People Pleaser, Yes You
Struck A Chord? Touched a Nerve?
I posted yesterday on social media about saying no to others and yes to yourself, the feedback and private messages I got from this was WOW.
You are an amazing person, one of the nicest, kindest people around but you just can’t say NO. It’s not in your makeup, your nature, everyone can always count on you to say YES.
“You Just Can’t Stop People Pleasing”
Well, it can soon wear a sista down because who is saying YES to you?
The truth is unless you really really want to say YES you don’t have to.. are you seeking validation from others? Worried about what they will think? how they will act if you say no?
Easier said than done, I get that. Let’s go through a few things and see where you are at and what small steps you can take to make things easier for you and have boundaries for others.
Journal your thoughts and feelings.
Practice self-love – speak to yourself kindly.
Trust Yourself don’t self-doubt
Become aware of your actions
Learn to pause and say I need to think about that before you jump in with a YES.
Undo The Habit
People pleasing is a habit we learn, you probably can’t even remember when you started being a people pleaser.. Chances are it stemmed from childhood, you did something good and it was rewarded. You got attention and praise and it made you feel good.
After years of this behaviour, you’re probably now scared of not living up to others expectations?
People have become used to your kind behaviour your like a crutch always there for support, people can always rely on you.. yet your anxiety is probably through the roof as you dread letting someone down, having to say no – so when you do say no it affects your self-esteem.
But what are you getting out of people pleasing that keeps you giving and giving when really there’s not much left in the tank to give?
You worry people rely on you, you are the fixer, the doer, the hostess with the mostess and YOU yes YOU are putting these expectations on yourself.
So you think but I’m a kind person, I want to help, I like helping and that’s great its part of most people’s human make up to help others.. but there is that line between being a good kind human to being a people pleaser
But how much you give of yourself is taking you into that unhealthy balance of what is being kind and giving to what is basically taking the piss and someone taking advantage of your good nature time after time.
Take care of your own needs, fill your own tank first and nourish yourself.
Prioritise – think before you say yes and tell the person you will need to check your schedule to see if it fits in, or sorry it’s not what I want to do but Thankyou for asking.
Learn to live with a little bit of uncomfortable feeling. Not everything in life will be rosie. We often don’t want to upset or hear someone’s disappointment so we either stay quiet or we people, please. But you can change that learnt behaviour and get comfortable being uncomfortable, nothing magical happens in that comfort zone. learn to accept you can’t please others all the time it’s not healthy.
Put yourself first, imagine how that would feel to have no anxiety, no worry about what others are thinking, imagine not feeling guilty, saying no with confidence so you have more time and energy.
Value & Respect Yourself